confession: written or verbal acknowledgment, especially in a matter pertaining to one’s self; the admission of a debt, obligation, crime, or suckiness

warmup: a session usually a short time before a performance in which the actors prepare their bodies through a number of physical, mental, and musical exercises

Over the years I become very well acquainted with my “areas for improvement.” The problem with confessing your sins in a blog versus a diary (that’s meant for your eyes only) is that subconsciously we post to blogs with the audience in mind. Translation: a diary is more honest. The upside to blogs is that if we write as truthfully as possible, we’re exposing ourselves to a point that we might actually come to terms with any deep, dark secrets – put it out there and get over it. This is why I created this blog.

So here is my warm up confession, Chunk-style:

  • In kindergarten, I stole my boyfriend Noah’s favorite toy from his cubby hole.
  • In second grade, my guy cousin and I looked at a stack of Playboy magazines we found in our grandparents basement. Days later I tried to convince my 2 best friends to play “nude model shoot” after which they never came back to my house and their mother no longer associated with mine. I never told my mother about this.
  • In ninth grade, I didn’t want to talk to my best friend on the phone one night because all she wanted to talk about, night after night, was this guy she had a crush on, so I covered the receiver and told my dad to tell me to get off the phone but she heard me. I never apologized and after that, we were no longer friends.
  • Right before I returned to school my sophomore year of college, I bought a fake diamond ring and when I got to campus, I told everyone that a guy I met at the beach over the summer proposed to me. This was my attempt to make the guy with whom I had had a semester long flirtation and a month of heavy “romance” freshmen year jealous. We were making out in his dorm room freshmen year when he received a call. It turned out he had a girlfriend back home but they had “agreed to see other people.” I was devastated.
  • Senior year, my roommate (who had bad acne) and I had a big falling out so one day when she wasn’t home I mixed Crisco in with her Clearasil. A month later she went on Tetracycline.
  • Several years ago, I was driving home from work late one night and was fucking with the radio when I swerved into the next lane of traffic and caused another car to spin out of control to avoid me. I kept on driving.
  • Finally, I attempted to set-up my best friend with this guy I knew from work but when he told me he liked my friend, I decided I wanted him for myself and I fed him all these reasons why the two of them weren’t compatible.

From these confessions, I’ve learned that I am:

  • Selfish
  • Highly sexual
  • Prideful and stubborn
  • Vengeful and vindictive
  • Cowardly
  • Jealous and deceitful

I’ve gotten much better with all of these, especially in the past year, but I’ve still got my work cut out, in some areas more than others.