cheat (verb):

1. To deceive by trickery; swindle
2. To deprive by trickery; defraud
3. To mislead; fool
4. To elude; escape

Once I decided to move out, that it was the only way for me to get “unstuck” – I realized why it was necessary. For all the reasons I didn’t want to: the comfort, the security, the total lack of responsibility. These are not reasons to stay in a relationship.

The truth is Dexter took care of me in every possible way. And I liked this. At least, I thought I did.

Dexter was a provider, and I had been provided for my entire life. The house and everything it included was taken care of. I didn’t do the laundry. Dexter did the laundry. I didn’t clean. We had a service. I didn’t pay a single bill – not my gym membership, my cell phone, my car insurance. When we traveled, I didn’t even hold my driver’s license. I didn’t do my taxes. Dexter managed my finances. It was a natural progression. Piece by piece, my life was outsourced to Dexter.

I think part of my problem was I was raised to believe I needed to be taken care of. But I can’t blame my parents for my lack of responsibility. I cheated. I saw someone willing to take care of me, to provide for me, and I let him. Cheating comes in all shapes and sizes. In this case, I didn’t want to take responsibility for my life. Even though I was capable of doing so. It’s kind of nice being a kid that way – letting someone else do the work and be responsible.

The irony of it all was the very reason I fell in love with Dexter, why I respected him so much, was he got to where he was in life on his own merit. He earned it. Nothing was given to him, and I think for this reason, he had a great appreciation for everything he had. Except for maybe me.